Single

A few nights ago, I had a bad dream - nay, a nightmare. I dreamed that I was a father to two infant kids. When I woke up, it took a few moments for myself to get my bearings right. When I shook off much of the sleep dust, my consciousness became clearer.

I had just woken up from a nightmare.

For a 25-year old at the cusp of one's single life, truly, such a sudden realization is unwelcome, to say the least. I am not Ted Mosby of How I Met Your Mother fame. I'm more of a Barney Stinson, who relishes his being not-a-dad. But then again, I am not a casanova - far from it, actually. In fact, I've never had a girlfriend. Moreover, I haven't really seriously dated. People might think that I'm just gay or I intend to enter the clergy (or both) - I am not. I am every inch a straight, heterosexual male. Even though I'm a Roman Catholic by name, the priestly life is far from my ideal vocation.

My friends say that I'm a choosy fellah when it comes to girls, but I know deep down that the prospect of being in a relationship scares the shit out of me. You see, ever since I was a little boy, I've had this fear of women. I couldn't seem to be friends with my childhood crushes. Soon enough, things became awkward. As I grew older, I barely improved in dealing with members of the fairer sex. By the time I was in high school, I could barely even start a decent conversation with a lady. In fact, the ladies I knew at that time could be summed up in the fingers of my two hands - with quite a bit of room to spare!

I fared a lot better in college as I became more articulate, outgoing and manly. As I became a better athlete, my confidence (and my physique!) grew. Hence, I made leaps and bounds. But one thing remained - my being single. As the years of college drew to a close, I was stumped at my seeming inability to start a meaningful relationship with women. What the hell was wrong with me, I asked? I must admit that my predicament had resulted in many a sleepless night.

Now that I'm in quarter-life, I am surprised at my nonchalance. I am more laid-back now, less of a worry wart than before. Quite a few of my friends and acquaintances are getting married, or are in the midst of a serious relationship. In a sense, one can say that I'm getting left behind. However, despite my penchant for the thrills of speed, finding that special someone is not a race. As much as we'd like to control our respective fates, some things just really do happen.

Although at times, I ascribe to those love-at-first-sight meetings, I am keeping an open mind. As a result, I am trying to meet as many people as possible, to widen my circle of friends. Instead of looking at my singleness as a disadvantage, I am starting to realize that this can be a potent advantage! In life, I always strive to be unique. Not in an outrageously decadent way, but in a personal manner that fits who I am.